Wednesday, August 10, 2011
First three paragraphs of my novel. What do you think?
I am not certain whether your paragraphs are three parts of what is meant to be a whole or not. In the first paragraph, you dwell upon the moon as if you (yourself, the narrator, or the protagonist of the story) are watching it in the present time. Your use of personification in relation to the moon is interesting. In the second paragraph, then, it is dusk, sunset, or twilight -- no sign of the moon; thus, what is the connection? The third paragraph seems to be an extension of the second, since you move into the house; then the story appears to begin. Since you are writing in the first person and are a teenager as is your protagonist, your writing, although not mature, is fine for someone your age. You have made some errors; for instance, where you have written reddy, I think that you mean ruddy. There is also repetition, too, in your use of the word distraction in its several forms in a single sentence. Try employing a thesaurus when you write in order to avoid being repetitious. What you've posted is fine for your age; I don't know what your aspirations are for your writing. If you hope eventually to write for publication, you need to practice, to learn the craft, and to become more polished in your writing. If you have plans now, though, for a complete story, definitely continue with it; see how it goes. At this point in your life, I think that it is more important for you to finish what you begin than for you to aim for perfection. It is too early in the story for me to know whether you are planning something which will be intriguing and appealing. You might want to post more as you progress with your writing -- for further critique. In the meantime, good luck in your endeavor.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment